The Nit Picker

The Nit Picker

Do you know what a nit is? A nit is the egg of a louse. That’s right, louse as in head lice!

I did foster care years ago and was blessed for a time to take care of three young girls while they had to be away from their parents for a time. This was my first experience with head lice and “nit” picking.

Though there are shampoos and chemicals designed to kill head lice, head lice will not go away unless the nits (eggs) are removed from the hair. There are combs designed to remove nits, but as anyone who has ever dealt with head lice knows, the only effective way to get rid of head lice and is to go strand by strand and pull out every nit from each hair.

This process can take hours and even days to accomplish. It is a long and tedious job; but well worth the effort in the end.

Unlike picking nits to remove head lice, the person that is a nit picker within relationships does nothing to eliminate problems, instead, detail by detail, the nitpicker picks others apart and creates many problems.

Proverbs 14:1 Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.

Did you ever pluck a chicken? If your answer is yes, then you know it takes great effort to get all those little feathers off that chicken. Just like nit picking, plucking a chicken requires diligent effort.

Proverbs 14:1 tells us that the foolish woman (Man or woman) plucks down the house with their own hands. The Nit picker is the one that focuses on every minute detail of others, and sometimes even themselves, and picks at it obsessively.

The Strong’s definition for “plucketh” implies that it is a destructive action.

Nit picking is destructive to relationships!

What does the scripture tell us about nit pickers?

Mat 7:1-5 Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again. And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye.

The nit picker has a “beam” in their eye. This means that there is something that is blocking the person’s ability to see clearly. A beam can mean anything that affects a person’s ability to perceive a situation accurately. Jesus says that this type of person sees the “mote” in others. A mote is a small particle.

Luk 18:9-14 And he spake this parable unto certain which trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and despised others: Two men went up into the temple to pray; the one a Pharisee, and the other a publican. The Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself, God, I thank thee, that I am not as other men are, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even as this publican. I fast twice in the week, I give tithes of all that I possess. And the publican, standing afar off, would not lift up so much as his eyes unto heaven, but smote upon his breast, saying, God be merciful to me a sinner. I tell you, this man went down to his house justified rather than the other: for every one that exalteth himself shall be abased; and he that humbleth himself shall be exalted.

The Nit picker believes that he/she is righteous and despises others because they are not. Perhaps, this is the “beam” in their eye. In these verses, Jesus exposes the inner attitude of the Pharisee. He pointed at all the faults in others, yet did not see the truth about himself.

Some might say, “Aren’t we supposed to tell others about their faults?” The Bible gives us clear direction about how to do this.

Gal 6:1 -3 Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted. Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ. For if a man think himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceiveth himself.

The Nit Picker does not operate in the spirit of meekness, instead the nit picker is deceived into believing himself to be something when in fact he is nothing.

Mat 23:23-24 Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye pay tithe of mint and anise and cummin, and have omitted the weightier matters of the law, judgment, mercy and faith: these ought ye to have done, and not to leave the other undone. Ye blind guides, which strain at a gnat, and swallow a camel.

From “The Message” by Eugene Peterson -Mat 23:23-24 “You’re hopeless, you religion scholars and Pharisees! Frauds! You keep meticulous account books, tithing on every nickel and dime you get, but on the meat of God’s Law, things like fairness and compassion and commitment–the absolute basics!–you carelessly take it or leave it. Careful bookkeeping is commendable, but the basics are required. Do you have any idea how silly you look, writing a life story that’s wrong from start to finish, nitpicking over commas and semicolons?

The Nit picker picks at the insignificant issues and matters and disregards the things that matter most.

Mat 12:1-8 At that time Jesus went on the sabbath day through the corn; and his disciples were an hungred, and began to pluck the ears of corn, and to eat. But when the Pharisees saw it, they said unto him, Behold, thy disciples do that which is not lawful to do upon the sabbath day. But he said unto them, Have ye not read what David did, when he was an hungred, and they that were with him; How he entered into the house of God, and did eat the shewbread, which was not lawful for him to eat, neither for them which were with him, but only for the priests? Or have ye not read in the law, how that on the sabbath days the priests in the temple profane the sabbath, and are blameless? But I say unto you, That in this place is one greater than the temple. But if ye had known what this meaneth, I will have mercy, and not sacrifice, ye would not have condemned the guiltless. For the Son of man is Lord even of the sabbath day.

The nitpicker condemns the guiltless!

To condemn others is sin. Nit picking is not merely a bad habit; it is not a personality flaw; it is sin.

Are you a nit picker? There’s hope for you.

1Jn 1:8-10 If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.

How can we deal with the nit picker? How can we respond to those who always leave us feeling condemned or guilty; with those who make us feel as if we’re not quite right and never will be?

More importantly, how can we respond with the heart of God to this type of person?

Pray for God’s wisdom for your specific situation

Pro 2:6 -7 For the LORD giveth wisdom: out of his mouth cometh knowledge and understanding. He layeth up sound wisdom for the righteous: he is a buckler to them that walk uprightly.

Deal with your own emotions first

Psa 4:4-5 Stand in awe, and sin not: commune with your own heart upon your bed, and be still. Selah. Offer the sacrifices of righteousness, and put your trust in the LORD.

• The word “awe” implies any strong emotion. Nit pickers can provoke anger within us and we need to deal with it in God’s presence.
• Never act out of unrestrained emotion; allow God to search your heart and bring you to a place of peace concerning the situation.
• Perhaps, God is using this to reveal something to you about some issues in your own heart that He would like to address. (Insecurity, poor self image, resentment, etc)

Pray for the person

Jas 5:16 Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.

Don’t nit pick back

1Th 5:15 See that none render evil for evil unto any man; but ever follow that which is good, both among yourselves, and to all men.

Don’t talk about them with others (Talk to God about people and talk to people about God)

Pro 25:9 Debate thy cause with thy neighbour himself; and discover not a secret to another:

Confront

Mat 18:15 Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother

• There are times when confrontation isn’t necessary.
• We need to know the difference between what is significant and what is insignificant or we may end up being nit pickers ourselves.

From “The Message” by Eugene Peterson:

1Co 6:7 These court cases are an ugly blot on your community. Wouldn’t it be far better to just take it, to let yourselves be wronged and forget it?

Forgive

Mark 11:25 And when ye stand praying, forgive if ye have aught against any, that your Father also which is in Heaven may forgive you your trespasses.